This past week I found out that I have to move in August. The apartment I’ve lived in for 3 years has been sold. I’m already stressing about the idea of fitting everything I own into a truck. This is because I own a lot of crap. For example, I own a box of this:
I know, it’s white, opaque bubble wrap. It’s awesome. It’s also very unnecessary. I own another box full of stickers that look like giant Band-Aids. I own a nylon laundry bag with a giant dollar sign printed on the side of it. Why do I own these things? If I wasn’t there to protect them, someone might have thrown them away! I might need them for a sketch or something someday!
I am a pack rat, except I’m hoarding things with a “purpose” (a thing all hoarders think). Someday I might write a sketch that needs white bubble wrap and I’m going to look like an idiot if I had, just a decade or so earlier, thrown some out.
Matt performs live sketch comedy with Dictator’s Time Machine and produces filmed sketches through Horseshoe & Hand Grenade Productions.
