People love being in control. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I got to see it in action the other day. I was at the bar and I watched someone order a flatbread. They wanted pepper on their pizza and asked the food runner for fresh pepper. The food runner handed the person a regular pepper shaker and walked away. The patron then asked a manager if they could add fresh pepper to their food. The manager turned around, grabbed a pepper mill, turned back, and attempted to grind the pepper on to the pizza. No pepper came out. At this point, I assumed the food runner knew the pepper mill was either broken or empty, which is why they supplied a simple pepper shaker instead. The patron then took the pepper mill from the manager’s hands and attempted to use it for them self. Still no pepper came out but they didn’t trust the manager to know what they were doing. It was a lack of faith that a stranger would want what’s best for someone they didn’t know. The patron needed control over whether pepper would come out or not.
I don’t know if this is an American thing or not—though I know we nearly eradicated our public transit systems because we all wanted to own our own cars. People feel in control while driving, even though they are still subject to the whims of the other drivers. This is a learned problem. A kid in the back seat of a car feels safe with their parents driving. They don’t need to be in control! I assume this is why people have an irrational fear of flying. They are not in control, despite the fact that flying is the safest way to travel.
Other instances of this include:
- Telling someone that a pen doesn’t work and then they have to scribble on a piece of paper to try and make the pen work.
- The impulse to help someone open a jar.
- People turning down help with a photo while taking a selfie.
- Insisting that someone is driving the worst way to get somewhere.
- Seeing someone struggling to open a bottle of wine and grabbing the bottle from them.
In my own way, only I’m allowed to have food near my computer. If I spill something all over my keyboard, I only have myself to blame. This feels analogous to always wanting to be the driver. At least if I’m driving, the accident is my fault. I feel like this might be a poor way to go through life. It takes a little getting used to, but it’s easier to relax on a bus ride or a flight than it is in a long car ride, no matter how much those first modes of transportation get mocked.
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