Sometimes I don’t know what to do. I’m not always sure how to move forward. I’m currently in a weird mood because on the one hand my new podcast—TeaBD—is doing pretty well, and that’s great. On the other hand, I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do with myself.
This blog has been a weird chore over the past couple of weeks because I’ve been procrastinating a lot with writing for it and I haven’t really had the best ideas. I think I’ve stressed myself out a bit with recording a separate podcast for these blog posts (no new episode this week, I’m writing what you’re currently reading by just free writing).
Today I realized I haven’t made a new video in MONTHS and I feel like I really need to do that. I’ll have to come up with an idea soon and I may have thought of something just typing this sentence. I always tell my wife, who is a photographer, that taking photos of anything is better than taking photos of nothing. It turns out writing for the sake of writing is good too. I probably don’t even need to publish this blog post (but I will anyways, as you’ve already seen).
What put me in this funk is that TeaBD is great but I really only kind of get to work on it for real once a week and I can only bask in it’s release for a day. Then I have a whole bunch of other days I try and think of ways to work on it. Sometimes I try and make graphics and sometimes I try and make us an intro song (did both of these things to no real end tonight because I’m only so-so at both). I also don’t get quite as hyped for my blog posts as I do for these podcast episodes. Maybe it’s because we haven’t had a bad episode yet but I do feel crummy about my blog posts from time to time.
I work a lot better when I don’t put an expectation on myself. I think that’s why I’m funnier doing improv than when I’m doing stand-up. Or why I think my podcasting is funnier than my blogging. Normally these blog posts take a lot of effort. (Tonight, that effort will be spent to not edit what I’m saying here, give you that RAW version of how I feel. And honestly, I can feel that I’m typing this whole thing in a different language than I normally use. When do I ever call myself “hyped” for something?)
I have no idea if this blog post is good for my blog. I feel like I have a tenuous relationship with anyone who regularly reads what I write. I’m not famous or anything, so I feel like I really need to make it worth it for people to bother reading. Then, that makes me feel whatever about it sometimes. Agh! What a mess. Well, just know that I wanted to get this off my chest and I’m better for writing this out. Hopefully this will motivate me to do more things.
I feel like we heap so much on ourselves when it comes to personal expectations we stifle our creativity. It’s much easier when we’re just being ourselves without any frustrating presumptions about who or what it is we’re trying to create.
Good luck Matt!